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It’s hard to believe our little son is already 3 months old. It’s true what they say about these days going by so quickly. The first few weeks are like a fog, and then suddenly you realize how big your baby seems all of a sudden. As with any birth story, you’re going to read about some intimate details so I forewarn you now. I’ll be keeping the highly intimate ones nestled safely in my heart, but here are the highlights of his entrance into the world and the day my life changed forever.

Going into my pregnancy, I knew I had some hurdles to face. I have a genetic blood clotting disorder that is highly affected by estrogen so I was aware I’d have to be on blood thinning medication from the very beginning. This was the most unpleasant part as the only way to administer the medication is via injections in the abdomen – not exactly an ideal place when that’s the region that’s expanding. Regardless, I’m grateful that no clots developed, and all things pertaining to my disorder didn’t flare up.

Because of my disorder, I knew I would be induced at 39 weeks. My last day at work was a Friday, and my induction date was Wednesday morning at 1am (yes, 1 am!). Over the weekend, Michael and I made a massive run to Target where we stocked up on anything we thought we might run out of those first few weeks, and Michael arranged for the house to be cleaned (what a sweet move!). In keeping with my cravings, we went to B-dubs for a “last dinner” of sorts before heading home to *try* to get some rest before going in. Naturally, not much sleep was had, but before we knew it, we packed our bags in the car and headed to the hospital (*Note: It’s embarrassing how much stuff we brought. Let’s just say we needed a cart to haul it all in!)

Once registered, my nurse placed an IV. I have to admit that this was the part I was most nervous about. Saying it out loud makes it seem so silly that that’s what scared me most given that I hadn’t even gone into labor yet, but I had had traumatic experiences with IVs in the past. It took two tries, but once this part was out of the way, I immediately felt more at ease. Over the course of the next several hours, I was given pitocin to get the contractions rolling. I was fortunate to already be at a 4 prior to this so things began moving along fairly quickly. Michael, of course, began making pour overs for himself and the nurses so naturally he was a big hit.

By the time I was a 6, I chose to have my water broken. Contractions had been manageable up to that point but became extremely intense afterwards. I had hoped to avoid an epidural, but within 2 hours after my water had been broken, the pain was incredibly intense so I opted to go forward with the epidural. Ironically, although I had an IV placed, they had not checked my blood coagulation levels at the start so I had to have blood drawn and unfortunately, wait over another hour before they could proceed with the epidural. (I had stopped taking my blood thinning medication 24 hours prior to going in for my induction so I don’t think they felt it necessary to check at first.) Receiving the epidural was painful, but it did provide a significant amount of relief afterwards. Within an hour after the epidural, I was at a 10 (and looking back, was probably close to a 10 prior to the epidural and could have moved forward without it but you make a decision and move forward regardless), and as you can imagine, began pushing shortly after that. After 45 minutes, my sweet baby was placed on my chest, and the most surreal feeling of relief, joy and complete awe carried me into those first few minutes of newborn bliss and motherhood. Through the fog, I distantly heard someone say “It’s a boy”, and my first instinct was to kiss the top of his head and murmur his name and tell him I loved him.

Michael and I had waited to find out the gender, and I can say that I’m so glad I did. I felt strongly that it was a boy throughout my pregnancy, but of course didn’t know for certain. In many ways, it didn’t surprise me at all to hear that it was a boy. It also reassured me that maybe I do have some mom instincts. Michael and I spent those first few hours cradling him, completely infatuated with studying every little detail on his face. Later we were moved to a different room where we spent the remaining couple days in an all-encompassing love bubble.

One thing I was not prepared for was the surge of emotions that changed minute by minute. I rode a tidal wave of being joyful one moment and sobbing the next for fear that he was going to grow up too fast. Looking at him and watching his sweet movements literally made my heart ache with love for him. At one point, I remembered thinking if motherhood was going to feel that strong all the time, I wasn’t sure I could handle it. But thankfully, I know now that those emotions do settle, and you’re still left with all the joy and love.

My first meal that night was a Qdoba burrito bowl, and I’m not sure anything has ever tasted so good! Labor is tough work, and I was famished by the time we got to our room. In the same moment, I couldn’t eat fast enough as all I wanted to do was keep holding Ronan. I had no doubts prior to having him that I would not be sending him to the nursery at night, but I quickly changed my mind as the exhaustion set in. Looking back, I’m very glad Michael and I were able to sleep some at the hospital as that changed quickly once we were home.

Before I knew it, it was time to be discharged. I dressed him in a cozy little sleeper and a bear sweater, both of which were much too much for his little 6 lb. body, and I couldn’t believe how tiny he looked in his car seat. I sat in the backseat, holding his right hand the entire ride home and crying all the way there too. It was such a relief to sleep in my own bed that night, although I was a little terrified he wouldn’t breathe on his own. The next few weeks were spent taking endless pictures, getting in the swing of nursing him and enjoying every little sound and feature of this new little person in our lives.

It goes without saying that motherhood changes you in ways you cannot imagine. Suddenly, things that I thought were important no longer seem significant, and everything I do is with his future in mind. There are the days when I miss how spontaneous Michael and I used to be, but it’s all replaced with such joy in watching him discover the world and stare in wonder at new places, sounds and sights. He is our greatest blessing, and I’m excited to be given the opportunity to watch him grow, love and learn.